I’m not what he wants

I’m not what he wants anymore.  

I use to be a cute girl. Taking care of myself was a priority. Skin care, well dressed,  nice cute body. I am different these days.. Depression has gotten me to a point where I don’t want to even tweez my eye brows or shave my legs. Stevens attraction and affection towards me is non existent. Love with words are all he has now. He can say everything he thinks I need to hear but I know he’s unhappy.  I know he feels responsible for me if he is honest I won’t be able to handle it. But the  truth is i am already handling it.  I’m already hurt and broken just by living a faulty life. him staying with me for the kids is ultimately going to ruin us as individuals more. I don’t blame him I’d fall out of love with me if I were him too.  No1 wants a overweight weak woman with no dependence.  I just hope he eventually becomes honest with himself. 

Ps I logged into his google and he watched over 100 videos of big ass big titt woman back to back. . I guess to get excited or off idk unworthy feeling seeing that it really makes any small amount of confidence I still had vanish.  He wonders why my self esteem is gone. I am learning so much about my husband I never would have thought of. All the time i assumed he had this type some what like me. Dark skin small breasts, nice butt, not skinny not fat (before anyway) He cheated on me with a blonde light skinned skinny girl with long hair. I’m so confused. I feel broken still all the time. I feel He’s dien in this marriage. 😓